At the end of last quarter, my favorite teacher from grade school died. On that very day, Starfish** told me that she was pregnant. I couldn't help but think, One ends, one begins.
How will this one end up?
Kaylani**, up until recently, had been stuck on Ghibli**. Finally, she found someone new. I couldn't help but think, One ends, one begins.
How will this one end up?
Today, Glory** finally had her hearts questions answered. Her love-interest headache was resolved. As of 2am today, mine are just beginning. I can't help but think, One ends, one begins.
How will this one end up?
Dear Heavenly Father,
You constantly remind us how You will take care of us. Even as one ends, you begin another for us. This, I'm not too sure how You want it to end. I'm not sure how I want it to end. Please, just help me keep faith that You will take care of me. Just how You give our weather a happy ending, whether it be sun or rainbow, You will provide me with a happy ending. Thank You, Lord.
Amen.
**Not their real name
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Monday, February 8, 2010
Brain Fart 8: Chillaxxxxx
I kind of hate it when people tell me to "chill out." I feel like that just makes me more upset.
It happens every so often. I usually am only a little worked up, or upset, at the time someone tells me to relax/chill/chillax. But, I am a fast talker by nature. So when I get the slightest bit excited, upset, etc, I start talking even faster. I guess people take that as me freaking out. So they tell me to "chillax," which then usually just gets me more riled up, because I'm like, "I'M NOT FREAKING OUT!" hahahahaha yea. I bet I look SO CHILLAXED when I do that. But it's annoying. There's a reason why I'm upset. And it annoys me when someone tries to belittle that. It's like they're saying, "it's no biggie." Well, what if it is to me? And that's when my "worked up" starts shifting to "freaking out," which isn't fair, because it's like that person caused the effect that they were already accusing me of. So, then, it looks like I was freaking out from the beginning, and makes me look like some cry-baby when I get even more upset.
Too bad that while I reread this blog, it sounds like I need to chillax. Boo.
ahhh darn loops =[
It happens every so often. I usually am only a little worked up, or upset, at the time someone tells me to relax/chill/chillax. But, I am a fast talker by nature. So when I get the slightest bit excited, upset, etc, I start talking even faster. I guess people take that as me freaking out. So they tell me to "chillax," which then usually just gets me more riled up, because I'm like, "I'M NOT FREAKING OUT!" hahahahaha yea. I bet I look SO CHILLAXED when I do that. But it's annoying. There's a reason why I'm upset. And it annoys me when someone tries to belittle that. It's like they're saying, "it's no biggie." Well, what if it is to me? And that's when my "worked up" starts shifting to "freaking out," which isn't fair, because it's like that person caused the effect that they were already accusing me of. So, then, it looks like I was freaking out from the beginning, and makes me look like some cry-baby when I get even more upset.
Too bad that while I reread this blog, it sounds like I need to chillax. Boo.
ahhh darn loops =[
Brain Fart 7: All Glory and Glasses to God
Yes, that title didn't really make sense. This blog might not make too much sense, either.
These are some things I have learned while failingly trying not to be involved with these two friends of mine. My apartmentmate, Glory**, like this guy, Glasses**. She's liked him for about a year now. A lot of things happened. A lot. Basically, for the past month, gas has been leaking into this whole thing. For the past couple of weeks, sparks have been flying. And now, it has finally exploded. Tonight.
I get a call from Glasses. He tells me he had been talking to Glory, said some mean things, and she ran off. At night. In the rain. So he tells me he's gonna come pick me up so we can look for her. Just about a minute and a half later, Glory calls. She is hysterical. Telling me how much she hates him, while not telling me where she is. As she's going off, Glasses arrives, and pulls me out the door with him. He's so ashamed at what he said, he can't even tell me. So as we drive to the name of the street Glory told me she was on as I was hanging up, all was quiet. During that time, the events of the past few weeks run through my mind.
Among those events, I remember the talk I had with Glory just a couple of weeks ago. It's the same thing I told Glasses a few days after. This is what I said.
You know that show, Fear Factor? I was watching it once, where each contestant had needles of different widths stuck in their arms. This imagery seemed to work with their situation. Glasses stuck a needle in Glory's arm. That is when she started liking him, with him not liking her back. This is when he found out she liked him, and decided to not say anything, because he was too scared. This is when her life started going slightly downhill. Now, the needle is in her arm. The base on one side, the point sticking out of the other side. 3 things can happen.
1, Glory and Glasses can cut off their friendship, pretend it never happened. That would be as though Glasses pulled the needle back out from the base. It may not hurt as the other choices, and they might have healed faster, but there would be no satisfaction or closure, because they didn't do what they needed to do, but took the easy way out. And the game, their friendship, would be over.
2, which is what Glasses should have done from the beginning, is to finish it. Tell her he wasn't interested, tell her the complete truth, and be done with it. This would be as though Glasses pulled the needle all the way through. The pain would be big, and the wound might heal slower. However, the pain would eventually go away, and they could leave as the winners, with each other's friendship intact.
3, which is what Glasses had been doing, was leaving things at a standstill. He knew that sticking the needle in Glory's arm had hurt her. Thinking about how much pain he brought her, and thinking about how bad a person he was for putting her through that pain, he didn't want to hurt her anymore, and decided to leave her be, thinking it would be better for her. Too bad he forgot that the needle was still in her arm. She was waiting for him to take it out. Sure, it would hurt her more to remove the needle, but leaving it in there also causes pain. The longer the needle stayed in her arm, the more it hurt. And the worst part was that it wouldn't heal. Because the needle was still there. There was no closure.
Glasses parks the car on the street that Glory had told me she had walked to. We split up. Glasses is the one to find her, but instead of facing her, calls me back to talk to her. This reminded me what Glory had told me of their first conversation about their whole situation.
Glasses had worn a beanie over his glasses while Glory covered her eyes with her hands. They always did that. They refused to acknowledge what was going on. They would never tell each other the straight up truth. They always hide things, usually their whole, true feelings, while hiding behind something: hands, beanies, pretty, pseudo-intellectual words, etc. They so severely lacked the communication every true friendship requires.
I get to Glory. One minute, she’s ranting about how angry she was at what Glasses had told her, and the next, she’s ranting about how she hates how Glasses can’t accept grace. She says she hates him, but we all know that’s not true. If she hated him, she wouldn’t get so upset at the things he said, especially about his own well-being.
Before, Glasses had told me he’s been saying things to her meaner than he truly feels because he wants her to hate him. He thinks it would be better for Glory to hate him, forget about him.
These two are so dumb. They say they want the other to go away, when they care about each other so f***ing much. I’ve told them both before that they need to be completely honest to each other, say exactly what is on their minds. To each other. So, as Glory looks at me with searching, pleading eyes, I see Glasses down the street, just standing in the cold, waiting. I look at Glory, crying because she cares so much about Glasses. I look to Glasses, who had literally pulled me out of my own apartment for worrying about Glory.
“GLASSES GET OVER HERE!” I yell, and start walking towards him. “Glory, come with me.” She follows. We meet in the middle. They meet in the middle. I put them in the one position they seem to fear the most: facing each other, eye to eye. I start them off by asking them questions they have to answer in front of each other. After a while, I leave them by themselves, so they have to talk to each other, and not to me. I can only take them so far. It’s their friendship. They can do whatever they want, as long as it is what they truly want.
The lessons that I learned from this, I myself know what they are, but I don’t really know how to word it. But, I think you’ll get it, too.
Oh. One last thing. You’re probably wondering, “so…why is God in the title?” right? Usually, I am really busy with dance, school, homework, or whatever. Today, I had nothing. I had a lot of free time. It felt so weird. I was like, “How? Why?” Well, I think God planned it this way, so that I was around when this all went down. Thank you, God =]
** Not their real names
These are some things I have learned while failingly trying not to be involved with these two friends of mine. My apartmentmate, Glory**, like this guy, Glasses**. She's liked him for about a year now. A lot of things happened. A lot. Basically, for the past month, gas has been leaking into this whole thing. For the past couple of weeks, sparks have been flying. And now, it has finally exploded. Tonight.
I get a call from Glasses. He tells me he had been talking to Glory, said some mean things, and she ran off. At night. In the rain. So he tells me he's gonna come pick me up so we can look for her. Just about a minute and a half later, Glory calls. She is hysterical. Telling me how much she hates him, while not telling me where she is. As she's going off, Glasses arrives, and pulls me out the door with him. He's so ashamed at what he said, he can't even tell me. So as we drive to the name of the street Glory told me she was on as I was hanging up, all was quiet. During that time, the events of the past few weeks run through my mind.
Among those events, I remember the talk I had with Glory just a couple of weeks ago. It's the same thing I told Glasses a few days after. This is what I said.
You know that show, Fear Factor? I was watching it once, where each contestant had needles of different widths stuck in their arms. This imagery seemed to work with their situation. Glasses stuck a needle in Glory's arm. That is when she started liking him, with him not liking her back. This is when he found out she liked him, and decided to not say anything, because he was too scared. This is when her life started going slightly downhill. Now, the needle is in her arm. The base on one side, the point sticking out of the other side. 3 things can happen.
1, Glory and Glasses can cut off their friendship, pretend it never happened. That would be as though Glasses pulled the needle back out from the base. It may not hurt as the other choices, and they might have healed faster, but there would be no satisfaction or closure, because they didn't do what they needed to do, but took the easy way out. And the game, their friendship, would be over.
2, which is what Glasses should have done from the beginning, is to finish it. Tell her he wasn't interested, tell her the complete truth, and be done with it. This would be as though Glasses pulled the needle all the way through. The pain would be big, and the wound might heal slower. However, the pain would eventually go away, and they could leave as the winners, with each other's friendship intact.
3, which is what Glasses had been doing, was leaving things at a standstill. He knew that sticking the needle in Glory's arm had hurt her. Thinking about how much pain he brought her, and thinking about how bad a person he was for putting her through that pain, he didn't want to hurt her anymore, and decided to leave her be, thinking it would be better for her. Too bad he forgot that the needle was still in her arm. She was waiting for him to take it out. Sure, it would hurt her more to remove the needle, but leaving it in there also causes pain. The longer the needle stayed in her arm, the more it hurt. And the worst part was that it wouldn't heal. Because the needle was still there. There was no closure.
Glasses parks the car on the street that Glory had told me she had walked to. We split up. Glasses is the one to find her, but instead of facing her, calls me back to talk to her. This reminded me what Glory had told me of their first conversation about their whole situation.
Glasses had worn a beanie over his glasses while Glory covered her eyes with her hands. They always did that. They refused to acknowledge what was going on. They would never tell each other the straight up truth. They always hide things, usually their whole, true feelings, while hiding behind something: hands, beanies, pretty, pseudo-intellectual words, etc. They so severely lacked the communication every true friendship requires.
I get to Glory. One minute, she’s ranting about how angry she was at what Glasses had told her, and the next, she’s ranting about how she hates how Glasses can’t accept grace. She says she hates him, but we all know that’s not true. If she hated him, she wouldn’t get so upset at the things he said, especially about his own well-being.
Before, Glasses had told me he’s been saying things to her meaner than he truly feels because he wants her to hate him. He thinks it would be better for Glory to hate him, forget about him.
These two are so dumb. They say they want the other to go away, when they care about each other so f***ing much. I’ve told them both before that they need to be completely honest to each other, say exactly what is on their minds. To each other. So, as Glory looks at me with searching, pleading eyes, I see Glasses down the street, just standing in the cold, waiting. I look at Glory, crying because she cares so much about Glasses. I look to Glasses, who had literally pulled me out of my own apartment for worrying about Glory.
“GLASSES GET OVER HERE!” I yell, and start walking towards him. “Glory, come with me.” She follows. We meet in the middle. They meet in the middle. I put them in the one position they seem to fear the most: facing each other, eye to eye. I start them off by asking them questions they have to answer in front of each other. After a while, I leave them by themselves, so they have to talk to each other, and not to me. I can only take them so far. It’s their friendship. They can do whatever they want, as long as it is what they truly want.
The lessons that I learned from this, I myself know what they are, but I don’t really know how to word it. But, I think you’ll get it, too.
Oh. One last thing. You’re probably wondering, “so…why is God in the title?” right? Usually, I am really busy with dance, school, homework, or whatever. Today, I had nothing. I had a lot of free time. It felt so weird. I was like, “How? Why?” Well, I think God planned it this way, so that I was around when this all went down. Thank you, God =]
** Not their real names
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Brain Fart 6: A for Effort! No, really.
**Testimony of Winter Retreat 2010**
Why am I here? Why am I doing this? I’m too tired. I’m too busy. I don't feel like it. This is how I think oftentimes when it comes to anything about my faith – reading the Bible, going to church, praying, testimonies… These thoughts then turn to, Maybe I won’t do it right now. I can do it later. I can do it next time. You would think that I would feel guilty about skipping out on doing these types of things for my faith. And I did. But, I would then comfort myself by telling myself, Well, if you do this when you don’t want to, then it’s not from the heart, and that would just be going through the motion. God doesn’t want THAT. But then, all of a sudden, I realize that I haven’t done anything for the past six months, and that I have moved much farther away from God than I thought I had. Even at these times, im still saying the same excuses. well, I would have done my quiet times/gone to church/prayed, but I didn’t feel like it. God doesn’t want us to do these things without a willing heart. But, after retreat, I learned, through Pastor Jason, and through a bit of my own inner searching, that although God may not want an unwilling heart, he still appreciates the effort.
Pastor Jason talked about two main things: thirsting and struggling. At first, I thought that you had to thirst in order to struggle. You had to want Jesus before you could fight for Him. But, I have since learned that it works both ways. One of the games we played taught me this. It was called “Amazon Women.” (I think?) Basically, guys all linked up together while the girls tried to pull them apart within 15 minutes. It basically turned into a huge wrestling thing. Everyone ended up on the floor, there was pulling, pushing, head-butting, and even the occasional biting. It was long, and it was vicious. I personally targeted this group of around 5 or 6 guys. I stuck with that group the entire game. Disappointingly, there were still two guys at the end that I hadn’t been able to pull apart. I was proud of myself for not giving up the whole entire time, but I was just SO frustrated that I didn’t win.
Then, I realized, “wait. When did I start caring?” In the beginning, I didn’t really care. It was just another game we play at retreat. But, when I started, when I put myself in there and got involved in that long battle, and started struggling, that’s when I started caring, which kept me going. It surprised me that I didn’t start with caring, but with struggling. I guess, that’s how my faith is. I may not start my walk with Jesus by caring too much. It was mostly going through the motions, it was just for fun (seeing my friends at church, playing dodgeball, getting ice cream afterwards, etc). I know it sounds bad, but I think that’s how it happened for me. As just a motion, or maybe just for fun. But, I think God saw me there anyways, and He starts lighting a fire within me, my faith. Then, I started caring about my relationship with God, rather than just going through the motions. Of course, things slow me down. School, friends, work, life. Then, my relationship with God started turning back into simply motions. This is the part when I say, “God doesn’t want an unwilling heart,” and decided to skip out on church for the umpteenth time.
But.
He still wanted me to struggle, wrestle for Him. Like in the game, I struggled. I wrestled. For a long time. There were times when I asked myself, “why am I still trying? Isn’t there something better/more fun/easier to do than this?” I could have given up. Just said, “ok whatever you guys win.” But because I struggled, God gave me a passion to keep struggling even further, until the end of the 15 minutes. Well, God instilled the same passion on my relationship with Jesus. Because I struggled. I read the Bible. I sang worship songs. I prayed. And, I went to retreat. And at retreat, as pastor Jason introduced the topic of struggling, he told us the story of when Jacob wrestled God. God came to him, and wrestled him. Jacob didn’t know who He was, but he kept struggling throughout the entire night. At the end, Jacob knew it was God, and left feeling all the closer with Him. This is what happened with me, what is still happening to me. I didn’t really know God, but I went through the motions. I struggled. And I didn’t give up. And in the end, I came out with what I’d been looking for: my passion for God, my thirst.
Why am I here? Why am I doing this? I’m too tired. I’m too busy. I don't feel like it. This is how I think oftentimes when it comes to anything about my faith – reading the Bible, going to church, praying, testimonies… These thoughts then turn to, Maybe I won’t do it right now. I can do it later. I can do it next time. You would think that I would feel guilty about skipping out on doing these types of things for my faith. And I did. But, I would then comfort myself by telling myself, Well, if you do this when you don’t want to, then it’s not from the heart, and that would just be going through the motion. God doesn’t want THAT. But then, all of a sudden, I realize that I haven’t done anything for the past six months, and that I have moved much farther away from God than I thought I had. Even at these times, im still saying the same excuses. well, I would have done my quiet times/gone to church/prayed, but I didn’t feel like it. God doesn’t want us to do these things without a willing heart. But, after retreat, I learned, through Pastor Jason, and through a bit of my own inner searching, that although God may not want an unwilling heart, he still appreciates the effort.
Pastor Jason talked about two main things: thirsting and struggling. At first, I thought that you had to thirst in order to struggle. You had to want Jesus before you could fight for Him. But, I have since learned that it works both ways. One of the games we played taught me this. It was called “Amazon Women.” (I think?) Basically, guys all linked up together while the girls tried to pull them apart within 15 minutes. It basically turned into a huge wrestling thing. Everyone ended up on the floor, there was pulling, pushing, head-butting, and even the occasional biting. It was long, and it was vicious. I personally targeted this group of around 5 or 6 guys. I stuck with that group the entire game. Disappointingly, there were still two guys at the end that I hadn’t been able to pull apart. I was proud of myself for not giving up the whole entire time, but I was just SO frustrated that I didn’t win.
Then, I realized, “wait. When did I start caring?” In the beginning, I didn’t really care. It was just another game we play at retreat. But, when I started, when I put myself in there and got involved in that long battle, and started struggling, that’s when I started caring, which kept me going. It surprised me that I didn’t start with caring, but with struggling. I guess, that’s how my faith is. I may not start my walk with Jesus by caring too much. It was mostly going through the motions, it was just for fun (seeing my friends at church, playing dodgeball, getting ice cream afterwards, etc). I know it sounds bad, but I think that’s how it happened for me. As just a motion, or maybe just for fun. But, I think God saw me there anyways, and He starts lighting a fire within me, my faith. Then, I started caring about my relationship with God, rather than just going through the motions. Of course, things slow me down. School, friends, work, life. Then, my relationship with God started turning back into simply motions. This is the part when I say, “God doesn’t want an unwilling heart,” and decided to skip out on church for the umpteenth time.
But.
He still wanted me to struggle, wrestle for Him. Like in the game, I struggled. I wrestled. For a long time. There were times when I asked myself, “why am I still trying? Isn’t there something better/more fun/easier to do than this?” I could have given up. Just said, “ok whatever you guys win.” But because I struggled, God gave me a passion to keep struggling even further, until the end of the 15 minutes. Well, God instilled the same passion on my relationship with Jesus. Because I struggled. I read the Bible. I sang worship songs. I prayed. And, I went to retreat. And at retreat, as pastor Jason introduced the topic of struggling, he told us the story of when Jacob wrestled God. God came to him, and wrestled him. Jacob didn’t know who He was, but he kept struggling throughout the entire night. At the end, Jacob knew it was God, and left feeling all the closer with Him. This is what happened with me, what is still happening to me. I didn’t really know God, but I went through the motions. I struggled. And I didn’t give up. And in the end, I came out with what I’d been looking for: my passion for God, my thirst.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Brain Fart 5: My Idea of a True Friend
**Originally written for my UWP 1 class blog**
Everyone has different ideas about what a "true" friend is. Is it someone who is always there for you? Is it someone who knows you backward and forward? Is it someone who you trust beyond all others? What is a "true" friend?
I was chatting with one of my closest, truest friend today. I was talking with him about his troubles, and I was having a very hard time with it. I just kept thinking, "Why can't I understand? I don't understand him, he is so...complicated!" At that moment, I made a realization. The only people I ever think are complicated or complex are people who I'm really close with, my "true" friends. "Well, that doesn't make sense," I thought to myself, "why is it the that the people most complicated to me are my closest friends? It should be the other way around!" But...maybe not.
We, as individuals, know that we ourselves are very complex creatures. We know our own life's story. We know what experiences we have been through, and how they have shaped our thought processes and personalities. Because so many things happen in life, these experiences create very complex personalities and thought processes. And, very often, we hide many of these complexities. We're embarrassed by them, are too hurt to share them, and/or think they won't accept them. In a way, it's very much like wearing clothes. We wear clothes to hide parts of ourselves that we're not sure we want other people to see, because we don't trust them to be able to handle our complexities. However, sometimes we find those true friends that we can shed our metaphorical clothes in front of and say, "Here I am, all of me," and trust them to accept us anyways.
However, we tend to forget that other people, our friends, are just like us--real people with real life experiences. We see them, and say, "Okay, that's them. That's all there is to see." We forget that these friends of ours are just like us, complexities included. However, we become closer and closer, until reaching "true" friend status, where we both start to trust each other enough to show our full "naked" selves. Then we start to realize that, yes, they also have lives. They have been living lives just like we have, have had experiences just as we have, been hurt and gone through hardships just as we have, and have been having their thought processes be shaped according to those unique experiences. Then, these life experience-shaped thought processes start leaking into our conversations, and we start seeing them as complex beings, just like ourselves. We may not always fully understand them, because their experiences are different from ours. However, if they are "true friends," you learn to accept that anyways, just as they learn to accept you, too, complexities and all.
So, I think "true" friends are the people that you acknowledge as actual, living people. You acknowledge that they have been living complex lives, just like you, and you accept them anyways (and vice versa), complexities and all.
Everyone has different ideas about what a "true" friend is. Is it someone who is always there for you? Is it someone who knows you backward and forward? Is it someone who you trust beyond all others? What is a "true" friend?
I was chatting with one of my closest, truest friend today. I was talking with him about his troubles, and I was having a very hard time with it. I just kept thinking, "Why can't I understand? I don't understand him, he is so...complicated!" At that moment, I made a realization. The only people I ever think are complicated or complex are people who I'm really close with, my "true" friends. "Well, that doesn't make sense," I thought to myself, "why is it the that the people most complicated to me are my closest friends? It should be the other way around!" But...maybe not.
We, as individuals, know that we ourselves are very complex creatures. We know our own life's story. We know what experiences we have been through, and how they have shaped our thought processes and personalities. Because so many things happen in life, these experiences create very complex personalities and thought processes. And, very often, we hide many of these complexities. We're embarrassed by them, are too hurt to share them, and/or think they won't accept them. In a way, it's very much like wearing clothes. We wear clothes to hide parts of ourselves that we're not sure we want other people to see, because we don't trust them to be able to handle our complexities. However, sometimes we find those true friends that we can shed our metaphorical clothes in front of and say, "Here I am, all of me," and trust them to accept us anyways.
However, we tend to forget that other people, our friends, are just like us--real people with real life experiences. We see them, and say, "Okay, that's them. That's all there is to see." We forget that these friends of ours are just like us, complexities included. However, we become closer and closer, until reaching "true" friend status, where we both start to trust each other enough to show our full "naked" selves. Then we start to realize that, yes, they also have lives. They have been living lives just like we have, have had experiences just as we have, been hurt and gone through hardships just as we have, and have been having their thought processes be shaped according to those unique experiences. Then, these life experience-shaped thought processes start leaking into our conversations, and we start seeing them as complex beings, just like ourselves. We may not always fully understand them, because their experiences are different from ours. However, if they are "true friends," you learn to accept that anyways, just as they learn to accept you, too, complexities and all.
So, I think "true" friends are the people that you acknowledge as actual, living people. You acknowledge that they have been living complex lives, just like you, and you accept them anyways (and vice versa), complexities and all.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Brain Fart 4: Rated V for Violent
I just don't get it. Why is it that violence is used so easily in tv shows, movies, and games, especially when compared to sex. Parents think, "Oh yeah, it's fine if they're watching people shoot each other in the face with guns, slice each other open with knives, and torture each other with things I can't even think of that they use in, oh, say, the Saw series." Oh yeah, sure it's "bad," but eventually, it's viewed as okay, sometimes awesome, or cool, or nowadays, "epic."
But not... dare I say it? Sex! "Oh no," say most parents, "my kids can't see this. That girl's breasts are showing! This is very inappropriate! Oh, but here, instead, they can watch this movie where the whole plot is to kill, kill, and kill. Or maybe, play a video game where my child is the person shooting at everyone."
People, parents, please get this straight. One day, when your child grows up, sex will be okay. It will be acceptable. It'll even be encouraged if given the time. But killing someone will NEVER be okay! We should really think about what we're teaching our children when we allow them, encourage them, to watch, and sometimes play the role of, someone killing another person. To me, it seems as though we are teaching them we'd rather have them kill, or in other words, hate, rather than have sex, also known as "making LOVE."
But not... dare I say it? Sex! "Oh no," say most parents, "my kids can't see this. That girl's breasts are showing! This is very inappropriate! Oh, but here, instead, they can watch this movie where the whole plot is to kill, kill, and kill. Or maybe, play a video game where my child is the person shooting at everyone."
People, parents, please get this straight. One day, when your child grows up, sex will be okay. It will be acceptable. It'll even be encouraged if given the time. But killing someone will NEVER be okay! We should really think about what we're teaching our children when we allow them, encourage them, to watch, and sometimes play the role of, someone killing another person. To me, it seems as though we are teaching them we'd rather have them kill, or in other words, hate, rather than have sex, also known as "making LOVE."
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Brain Fart 3: The Non-Twin
My older sister. I sometimes just feel so jealous of her. I know it's stupid, but I sometimes feel like I'm being compared to her, and she is always better.
She is smarter. She can be sad she got an A- because she didn't study for her final. I'm glad I got a B+ because I studied so hard.
She's better at being a girl. She's better at fashion, hair, make up, skin care. That's my own fault for not really caring until now. But I still feel like it comes easier to her.
She has a better part time job. I worked at Target for the $8 minimum wage. I took this job because my mom and grandpa wanted me to get it as quickly as possible. She waits out until "rush week" for frats are over. She then is picky about her job. She scores a job at Hanspree and makes WAY for money than me.
Her personality is more likeable. I'm just not that into all the fads today. I don't know artists or even song names. Same with movie stars. Common sense and manners seem to come more easily to her than it does me. I'm socially awkward. She's popular. I always make some sort of social mistake.
She is just more liked. I may be the "well-behaved" one. But, that's ending soon since, hey, what can I say? I'm a teenage girl. Even then, while I'm well-behaved, she's the more passionate and affectionate one it seems. People just seem to like her. They see her faults and her mistakes, and like her more for it. It's because she has more character. I don't always know how to react to the parents' doting. So I seem cold and distant. Maybe I am. But she's always...warm. She seems to connect with the parents better than me.
I know this is lame. I shouldn't compare myself to her like this. She's my sister, and I love her, as I'm sure she loves me. I'm sure she can think of things I'm better at than her. I can probably think of a few things if I try. It just seems like the things that will get you places in life all come more easily to her. Which makes me sad.
but just sometimes.
She is smarter. She can be sad she got an A- because she didn't study for her final. I'm glad I got a B+ because I studied so hard.
She's better at being a girl. She's better at fashion, hair, make up, skin care. That's my own fault for not really caring until now. But I still feel like it comes easier to her.
She has a better part time job. I worked at Target for the $8 minimum wage. I took this job because my mom and grandpa wanted me to get it as quickly as possible. She waits out until "rush week" for frats are over. She then is picky about her job. She scores a job at Hanspree and makes WAY for money than me.
Her personality is more likeable. I'm just not that into all the fads today. I don't know artists or even song names. Same with movie stars. Common sense and manners seem to come more easily to her than it does me. I'm socially awkward. She's popular. I always make some sort of social mistake.
She is just more liked. I may be the "well-behaved" one. But, that's ending soon since, hey, what can I say? I'm a teenage girl. Even then, while I'm well-behaved, she's the more passionate and affectionate one it seems. People just seem to like her. They see her faults and her mistakes, and like her more for it. It's because she has more character. I don't always know how to react to the parents' doting. So I seem cold and distant. Maybe I am. But she's always...warm. She seems to connect with the parents better than me.
I know this is lame. I shouldn't compare myself to her like this. She's my sister, and I love her, as I'm sure she loves me. I'm sure she can think of things I'm better at than her. I can probably think of a few things if I try. It just seems like the things that will get you places in life all come more easily to her. Which makes me sad.
but just sometimes.
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