It's a great thing. It can prevent misunderstandings. It is something you hope others to give you. It is something you should give to others. However, it is not the main point of this blog, it's just that I couldn't think of a better title.
A few weeks ago, my friend Jay and I were chatting online. I had said something about him (I don't remember what by now) that was not meant to be offensive. However, before I had the chance to elaborate, he automatically said something along the lines of, "Really? Come on, I thought you'd know me better by now." At the time, I just scurried to clarify so as not to make him mad. The same exact thing happened about a week later. Then, it started occurring to me, "Really? Come on, I thought you'd know ME better by now." He keeps getting mad at me because he thinks I'm assuming the worst of him. But, it seems like HE's the one assuming the worst of ME.
Then, tonight, I was talking to Louie* online. I had told him that if I had had the choice back then, I probably would have chosen to not have liked him. He got all in a puff thinking I was saying he was a bad guy. When in reality, I only meant that it was a bad time for me to pursue him, seeing as he was dealing with other things. After clarifying, I jokingly typed, "jeez, Louie*, don't you know me better than that?" He apologized immediately, but it still kind of bugs me that he so easily thought I would "paint him in a bad light." I've always been a pretty good friend to him. How could he so easily think I'm such a bad friend? I was debating whether I should be openly angry with him about it. But something seemed wrong with doing that, so I decided to just sign off and take a shower.
While I was taking a shower, I thought it all through. Sure, it kind of hurt me to know that Louie could so easily see me as a bad friend. So could Jay. They automatically assumed the worst of what I was saying, they didn't give me the benefit of a doubt. However, after taking a step back, I realized that I could be doing the same thing they are, and assuming the worst of them. So I took a farther step back, and realized that Louie might not have been assuming the worst of me personally, but rather, it's just that he's had problems of people painting him in a bad light, so he's gotten sensitive to anything that sounds like that. Realizing this, I knew I had also forgotten to give him the benefit of a doubt. So now, I'll try tonot assume the worst of what people do or say, but rather give them the benefit of a doubt. Then, if I want to, I can ask them to clarify what they mean, instead of getting all butthurt from their actions, which probably weren't meant to hurt me in the first place. Good idea, no?
*Not their real name
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